We can talk later about why the dog growls at you when you come home, why your kids won’t talk to you and why your partner is thinking about leaving you. Right now, let’s talk about why your business success is waning and your commission checks aren’t enough to pay for your next Starbucks latte.

What happened? You were a star and the salesman everybody voted “Most Likely to Get Rich.” You picked up the sales model quickly and your product knowledge was most impressive. You knew that organization was critical so you became the poster child for knowing where to go and when to be there.

In this tough economy the water was full of sharks and each one seemed to be circling your best prospects. But no worries, you had the confidence that came with your over developed ego. At least that’s what your ex-wife said. But then, you never really understood what she meant by that, did you?

When you started selling, you built a pretty big territory. A few customers bought your products in the beginning and you thought selling was easy. What you learned later was they just wanted something new and different and you happened to walk through the door at the right time.

However, you could never get the big orders no matter how hard you pitched them. Things were beginning to get desperate. The commission draw the company started you on was about to fade away just like your savings account and your new girlfriend! You were sure you could replace her, but the money was becoming a real issue. So you gave in. You watched all the YouTube videos showing expert after expert proclaiming their approach as the most successful in the market.  You spent the next month using every trick in the trade. Call after call. New prospects. Old prospects. Even some that were only suspects and not really prospects! You swore if you heard “no” one more time you would change your name to “no” so when a prospect said “no” you could say “Yes, that’s me. My name is No, what can I do for you?”

Don’t waste any more time looking in the wrong place for the answers, here’s what you have to do. Go ask somebody who knows why people buy. Ask a customer. Contact some of the customers you lost and ask them why they bought from somebody else.  Embarrassing yes, but at this point you really need to know why they chose your competitor. Was it lower price, cutting edge technology, or an incentive too hard to pass up?

Now, look at the current customers who buy a variety of products from other vendors. Since your connection with them is still good, ask them why they chose one company over another. What makes the difference between the winners and the losers?

You might expect a long explanation, but I’ve found that with each customer the answer came back the same. “TRUST.”  Trust is the foundation of most decisions to buy. Trust is the fuel that drives business. It doesn’t matter how good the product sounds, without trust it’s only words. Words won’t make an airbag deploy safely or a vaccine cure a disease. Trust is not just one thing. It’s everything. Trust sounds simple, but where do you get some? How do you go from being an outsider to becoming an insider? You were a master of manipulation. You don’t need trust if you’re a master of manipulation, so you thought.  But manipulation brought you to where you are now. Nowhere.

Where do you find trust? If you went back to those same customers you would probably hear that trust is built one promise at a time.  Trust is keeping promises made. Trust is the result of listening to and understanding your customer’s needs.  Trust is gained when you solve their problem first and worry about making a profit second.

You began to understand the power of trust and that it felt good; good somewhere deep inside. However, there was another word that the customers said when they mentioned trust.  A word that you had heard before, but not in any YouTube you watched or any book you read. The word was connection . The salesmen and women that were held in highest esteem were trusted because they seemed to connect with the prospect and they were connected because they were trusted. Trusted and connected. Connected and trusted.

Successful sales people connect with the customer and through this connection they build trust. Selling the benefits of a product falls on deaf ears unless there is trust. Earning trust is the product of connection. Isn’t that what your ex-wife always said? “You don’t get it. We just aren’t connected. “

Maybe without connection you don’t get the order. You just don’t get it. What if the magic you have been looking for was there all the time but you had been listening to the wrong experts. The experts are the customers. The customers are really the only ones that know why they buy.

Ask the customer.

Steve Haberly

The next blog will give you specifics on how to build a connection with your prospects and customers.